Texting and Texting
by JayXNitro
Summary: Some of the conversations Yui and the whole band have during their free time. Enjoy! 3
1. Text Party

**I Don't own K-ON! Or a home...**

**Azusa:** "So, I'm blind. I only just noticed that you put another bee sticker on my phone. But why another bee? You know what, never mind. Thank you. I love it."

**Yui:** "I wondered if you noticed it or not."

**Azusa: **"I haven't really looked at my phone much until I started to eat lunch. But jeez, how blind can I beeeeee?"

**Yui:** "You just didn't have time to stop and look because you were so buzzy with work."

**Azusa:** "Yeah, I was constantly flying from place to place."

**Yui:** "It`s ok. I forgive you, honey."

**Azusa:** "Trying to think of more puns is becoming a sticky situation."

**Yui:** "My pun-fu is superior. Feel the sting of shame!"

**Azusa:** "Aaaahhh! It's horrible! Absolutebee horrible!"

**Yui:** "That was adorable. I love you. You`re my queen."

* * *

**Ritsu:** Hey Mio! What does Brb mean?

**Mio:** Be right back

**Ritsu:** Ok. Tell me when you come back

**Mio:** Your such and idiot...

**Ritsu:** What? WHYY?!

* * *

**Yui: **Hey Ritsu! You left your phone at my house!

**Yui:** Riichaan~ Answer your phone.

**Yui:** THIS IS IMPORTANT! You left your phone here!

**Yui:** ...It took me 3 hours to realize you couldn't pick up your phone..

* * *

**Ritsu: **Hey Mio. You still awake?

**Mio: **It's 3AM in the morning, Ritsu. Of course I wasn't sleeping. I was sky diving -.-

**Ritsu: **Oh! Thats cool! How was it? I Wanna go sky diving at night!

**Mio:** ...

**Ritsu: **I woke you up didn't I?

**Mio: **No shit sherlock -_-

* * *

**Number: **Oh my god..

**Tsumugi: **What is it?

**Number: **Im pregnant...

**Tsumugi: **Erm...Who is this?

**Number: **I Just typed in a random number, I need to practice telling people.

**Tsumugi: **Oh, well... Good luck ^-^

**Number:** Thanks!

* * *

**Yui:** Sometimes I just put my laundry in the fridge :P I think I'm retarded.

**Ritsu:** Oh! I do that all the time..

**Yui:** Put your laundry in the fridge?

**Ritsu: **No, think your retarded..

**Yui:** Ahh~ Your so mean captain D:

* * *

**Azusa:** Omg! The cops arrested my neighbors!

**Yui:** Why?!

**Azusa:** IDK! But their reading him his banana rights so it sounds serious.

**Yui:** PFFT! BANANA RIGHTS?!

"You have the right to a banana.

If you can't afford one then a really crappy one will be provided for you"

**Azusa:** Hahahaha! XD

* * *

**Ritsu:** Private. Do you know what makes me happy?

**Yui:** What? Sex? Alcohol? Bunnies?

**Yui**: Sexy Alcoholic Bunnies?

**Ritsu:** Why yes. I was going to say that! I Taught you well Private!

**Yui:** THANK YOU CAPTAIN!

* * *

**Ritsu:** I KNOW YOUR SECRET!

**Azusa:** Ritsu-senpai?! WHAT SECRET?!

**Ritsu:** THAT YOU SHOWER NAKED!

**Azusa:** -Slow claps- Well played..

* * *

Jay: Did you like it? If you did then please R&amp;R!

If I reach 5 reviews by Tuesday I'll make another chapter!


	2. Jun And Ui

**Random Number:** Got 3 grams for $65

**Yui: **Err...Who is this?

**Random Number: **Sorry, wrong number.

**Yui: **WAIT! WHAT GRAMS!?

LIKE...

GRAM CRACKERS?!

* * *

**Mio: **Hey, i'm going grocery shopping. Anything you want?

**Ritsu: **Emergency Tomatoes and Emergency Potatoes

**Mio: **Uhh..What?

**Ritsu:** In case a robber comes in our houses. Then we can throw tomatoes and Potatoes at him until he knocks out :D

**Mio:** ...Seriously though, do you want anything?...

**Ritsu**: ...

...

...

Emergency Hammers?

* * *

**Dad:** Do I have swag?

**Tsumugi:** What dad?

**Dad:** I saw a sign saying I got swag. I want swag. Do I have swag?

**Tsumugi:** ..Suureee..

**Dad:** Thank you, love you sweetie. Have a nice day! #Swag

* * *

**Yui:** Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow,

Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow,

Meow, Meow, Meow

**Azusa: **You have to be kitten me...

* * *

**Ui:** Hopefully you don't have nightmares again onee-chan!

**Yui:** Last night, I had a dream that I was eaten by a large gummy bear.

But thats okay, because I had gummy bears today and got my revenge! :)

**Ui:** Thats really nice onee-chan..

* * *

**Mom:** I'm learning how to hashtag!

**Azusa:** Wow! Thats great mom :)

**Mom:** Hashtag conversation with daughter.

* * *

**Ritsu:** Ergh, Somethings wrong with my phone.

I don't think my texts are getting through

**Mio:** I think they are..

**Ritsu:** HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE?!

* * *

**Ritsu: **Have you ever seen a retard wrapped in plastic?

**Yui:** No..

**Ritsu:** Then look at your drivers license :D

**Yui:** I don't have one but...

You do...

* * *

**Jun:** FUCK AMERICAAA!

**Azusa:** What?

**Jun:** Can you pick me up? Please?

**Azusa:** From where?

**Jun:** ..Jail...

**Azusa:** WHAT?! WHY?!

**Jun:** I was just sitting around, doing nothing,

when I was arrested for impersonating the President of the United States...


	3. Popcorn

_**Jay: Okay.. So i'm back! Probably going to set up a schedule for this thing..**_

_**Probably every Monday..**_

_**Snow: Just.. Ugh! YOU LEFT US FOR NEARLY A YEAR!**_

_**Jay: SHUT UP! IM GOING THROUGH STRESS!**_

_**Snow: ... Okay.. ._.**_

_***I DON'T OWN K-ON!***_

* * *

Yui: Do you wanna build a snow man?

Azusa: Senpai..

Yui: Come on let's go and play~

Azusa: No, I don't want to..

Yui: Do you wanna build a snow man?

Azusa: NO! I DON'T WANNA BUILD A STUPID SNOW MAN!

BTW, IT'S SUMMER!

Yui: ... In summer..

Azusa: I'm so done.

* * *

Tsumugi: Dad, do you believe in abortions?

Dad: .. Go ask your brother.

Tsumugi: But I don't have a brother

Dad: Exactly.

Tsumugi: Ooooh I get it.

* * *

Jun: YUI-SENPAI!

Yui: ?

Jun: She left me.. D:

Yui: Who?

Jun: My girlfriend..

Yui: WAAAAIIT. YOU HAD A GIRLFRIEND?

Jun: Yeah.. I thought I told you this

Yui: Welp, I wasn't listening :/

Anyways, I'm so sorry.

Jun: She took all of our pictures together too D:

Yui: Shh.. It's okay, you'll be fine.

Jun: SHE TOOK MY PSVITA TOO!

Yui: ...

Kill the bitch.

* * *

Ritsu: OMG! STOP BARKING!

Dog: I'm doing the TWILIGHT BARK

Ritsu: Like in 101 Dalmatians? That's a REAL thing?

Dog: Yep

Ritsu: Who you talking to?

Dog: Ted the Terrier

Ritsu: What did you say?

Dog: "YO MOMMA'S SO FAT SHE WEARS A HULLA HOOP FOR A COLLAR"

* * *

Mio: Ok. Listen to this joke. What did one ocean say to the other?

Ritsu: What?

Mio: Nothing, they just waved.

Ritsu: Stoopp...

Mio: Ok. Sorry! No need to be such a beach

Ritsu: ...

* * *

Yui: CAPTAIN!

Ritsu: Yes Private?!

Yui: Cant hangout for a while... I got grounded D:

Ritsu: Wtf Why?

Yui: Well u know how old people at weddings always say you're next?

Ritsu: Ya so?

Yui: I started saying that to them at funerals

Ritsu: XDDDD

* * *

Yui: Muugiii~

Tsumugi: ?

Yui: Popcorn just fell out of my pussy

Yui: **POCKET

Tsumugi: xDDDD *Dies*

Y-Yui-chann..


	4. Yui's A Ladies Girl

**Jay: Okay! As promised, heres a new chapter!**

**Snow: YOU**

**Dark: ACTUALLY**

**Alice: REMEMBERED?!**

**Jay: Well thanks, guys ._.**

**I posted today because I can't post tomorrow!**

***I DO NOT OWN K-ON, JAPAN, A PONY, A HOUSE, A VAGINA, A PENIS, A TURTLE, OR A BITCH NAMED SARAH***

* * *

Yui: NODOKA!

Nodoka: Hmm?

Yui: Some people die younger because god loves them too much,

but I'm still on earth because someone loves me more than god.

Nodoka: AWWWW~ R U Gonna send that to Azusa?

Yui: What? No. I'm sending it to my mom :D

Nodoka: ...

* * *

Mom: How's Our Pregnant Little Daughter?

Mio: Mom. How did you know?

Mom: I meant Perfect.

Mom: Wait WHAT?

* * *

Ritsu: Did it hurt?

Mio: Did what hurt?

Ritsu: When you fell from heaven.

Mio: I dug my way up from hell.

Ritsu: Oh..

Ritsu: Well this is awkward..

* * *

Dad: In a meeting

Dad: In a meeting

Dad: In a meeting

Dad: In a meeting

Dad: In a meeting

Dad: In a meeting

Mugi: Are you in a meeting?

Dad: No, why?

* * *

Azusa: Sawa-chan there's a moth on the outside of the clubroom door,

can you get rid of it?

Azusa: Pls hurry because i'm going to cry

Azusa: Sawako

Azusa: Sawako

Sawako: Sawako is dead. You're next. Love, Moth.

* * *

Yui: A squirrel is staring at me through the patio door.

Ritsu: So?

Yui: I Think he's part of a gang.

Ritsu: He's curious.

Yui: I'M curious. He's maniacal.

Yui: His cheeks are stuffed with rage.

Ritsu: Nuts.. They're stuffed with nuts.

Yui: YOU'RE NUTS!

* * *

Mugi: Who's this?

Number: Sorry! That was the wrong number.

Mugi: No, don't leave me.

Number: I'm sorry I must go! I love you!

Mugi: DON'T LET GO JACK!

Number: ILL NEVER LET GO!

* * *

Yui: Babe why your not textin back?

Azusa: Because i'm driving.

Yui: So what? Text me! D::

Azusa: Did u see the commercial?

Yui: Yea but I miss you :3

Azusa: That's dange

Yui: What babe?

Yui: Babe

Yui: OMG YOU OKAY?

Azusa: See, you got scared.

* * *

Yui: THIS MORNING THE POSTMAN RUBBED MY BELLY

Yui: DID YOU TELL HIM TO DO THAT?

Ui: I might have mentioned it..

Yui: YOU REVEALED MY WEAKNESS TO MY GREATEST ENEMY

Ui: HE'S NOT YOUR ENEMY

Yui: I'VE BEEN BETRAYED BY MY OWN MAID

Ui: I'M NOT YOUR MAID

* * *

Azusa: I Love you! 3

Yui: ILoveYouToo3

Mugi: Something wrong with your spacebar, Yui?

Yui: Nope! There's Just No Space For Me To Love Anyone Else c:

Mugi: /C rIeS

Ui: Onee-chan!

Nodoka: D'awww~ So CUUUTTEEE

Mio: You know, Ritsu. You can learn from her.

Ritsu: DDD::::


	5. Black Yellow?

**Jay: ****FORGIVE ME CHILD!**

**Finn: Ish okay *Pats head***

**Jay: *Sniffle* Can I haz a cookwie? :3**

**Finn: Don't push it**

**Jay: D:**

**Author was late because *Insert lame excuse here* **

* * *

Mio: We are not naming our first child Naruto

Ritsu: You say that now but when you're high on the epidural and i'm filling out the birth certificate how

are you gonna stop me

Mio: How much of this do you have planned

* * *

Jun: What's ur major

Ui: ?

Jun: When you go to college

Ui: Communications. Yours?

Jun: Im doing biology, I want to be a pedestrian.

Ui: A what? lmfao

Jun: Like I want to be a doctor for kids

Ui: Pediatrician?

* * *

Tsumugi: You know it takes a life time to forget some one

Yui: My mom forgot me in a parking lot once..

* * *

Yui: Who do u like?

Azusa: No one

Yui: Really! Who do you like?

Azusa: No one! How many times are you going to ask that?

Yui: As many times as it takes for you to say my name.

Azusa: /Ovaries Explode

Guess I cant have our child anymore ._.

* * *

Tsumugi: Hey

I just emailed you a pic of my penis, did you get it?

Ritsu: MUGI WTF?!

Tsumugi: Not my penis, my penis

Tsumugi: My new penis

Tsumugi: Ducking phone, my black penis

Ritsu: Don't send me that shit

Tsumugi: BLACK PUMAS

Lol, sorry.

* * *

Sawako: Kids, you're all like a drug to me

Yui: D'aaww~

Tsumugi: ^^

Ritsu: WE LOVE YOU TOO!

Mio: Same

Azusa: Awe, because you're hooked on us?

Sawako: No, because you're ruining my life.

Yui: D:

Ritsu: *shots fired*

* * *

Yui: (:

Ritsu: Dude.. Did u srsly just txt me at 5am?

Yui: Did u srsly just txt me back at 5am?

Ritsu: Touche..

* * *

Azusa: Yui.. Why are these frozen..?

Yui: They needed to cool down.

Azusa: What? Why?

Yui: _Because they're hot wheels._

* * *

Tsumugi: Have you seen the $10 I left on the shelf?

Grandma: There's a lot of stuff on those shelves. They are starting to sag.. like my boobs

Tsumugi: Omg grandma stahp.

* * *

Yui: Went to whale-mart

Azusa: Yeah I love their mackerel- oni, i take all of it and my family calls me shellfish

Yui: They're probably experiencing a wave of emotions

Azusa: yeah, they almost a-salt-ted me

Yui: you should scale it down a bit

Azusa: yeah, i was just being seal-ly. but im not lion, the macaroni was worth it.

It was cheesy

but really gouda

Yui: you forgot to ask for permesan

Azusa: yeah but it was cheddar that way... i'd Brie mad if they took any of my stuff

Yui: oh whale I gtg due to current events

sea you later

Azusa: okaaaaay bye seaster

* * *

Ritsu: u are weak

Satoshi: Fuk u

Ritsu: When

Satoshi: oh OH I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING! WHAT THE FUCK I JUST FELL OFF MY CHAIR

Ritsu: told ya, ur weak

Satoshi: i'm dead

* * *

Ui: So how are your friends at university?

Yui: The bed and laptop are great thanks for asking

Ui: Just friends? or is there something more?

Yui: Okay….i'm sleeping with the bed

Ui: Wow. And everyday you are all over the laptop…cheater or is it an open relationship?

Yui: I have commitment issues

Ui: I appreciate you telling me this. You could discuss it with your psychiatrist

* * *

Ritsu: I'm a ninja

Mio: No you're not

Ritsu: did u see me do that?

Mio: Do what?

Ritsu: Exactly

* * *

Stranger: Dad

Tsumugi: Wat? Wrong number..

Stranger: Oh! I'm doing an rp for Queen Elizabeth..

Tsumugi: Oh okay..

Stranger: dad?

Tsumugi: Yes, child?

Stranger: Why did you behead mum?

Tsumugi: ... Did you see the state of her Insta? Filthy Slut.

* * *

Yui: So i'm hungry

Nodoka: I'm not treating you for lunch again..

Yui: Ik.. i'm saying to myslef; treat yo self

But my bank account is like; DO NOT TREAT YO SELF

* * *

Ritsu: You have really nice teeth.

Random number: Aww thanks... I guess.. Do I know u?!

Ritsu: They remind me of a song.

Random number: Which one?

Ritsu: 'Black and Yellow' XD


	6. The Fleatles

**Jay: So.. Monday schedule is back!**

**Snow: It's nearly Tuesday -.-**

**Darren: Such a bad author.. *tsk tsk***

**Jay: Whatever guys D:**

***I DONT OWN UNDERWEAR (BUT I DO EAT IT!)***

* * *

Nodoka: Hey Mio, since you told me you needed one, heres a cool webpage to browse different styles:

.org

Mio: WTF NODOKA? I DON'T NEED A PENIS IM A GIRL! BESIDES, I ALREADY HAVE A DILDO!

Nodoka: What? Hahaha, no it's PEN-ISLAND. Yours exploded in math class remember?

Mio: Ohh...

Nodoka: ... Wait you have a dildo?

Mio: ...

* * *

Ritsu: Dad, I want a car.

Dad: And I want anal sex but your mother keeps saying no.

* * *

?: What's Gucci my nigga?

Tsumugi: Mom stop

Mom: That shit cray.

* * *

Yui: Hows ur day going?

Azusa: Awful. I have a bad case of the manboobs

Azusa: Omg. The MONDAYS! Not manboobs. Jesus

Yui: xDDD It's okay Azu-nyan EVERYBODY gets those!

* * *

Dog: WHY HAVE YOU BOUGHT FLEA SHAMPOO?

Ritsu: Er... To get rid of your fleas, genius.

Dog: YOU CAN'T. I PROMISED PAUL, JOHN, RINGO, AND GEORGE THAT THEY COULD STAY

Ritsu: you named your fleas

Dog: THEY'RE THE FLEATLES

THEY WERE LIKE 'HELP WE NEED SOMEBODY'

* * *

Sawako: Someone left a very moist bag of shit in my car

Ritsu: What?

Sawako: SOMEONE LEFT A VERY MOIST BAG OF SHIT IN MY CAR

* * *

Mio: Hi

Number: Hi

Mio: Name?

Number: Alexander Goldberg

Mio: Mio Akiyama

Number: U kno I never forgave u koreans for attacking pearl harbor

Mio: Uhh.. Im Japanese.. and it was the chinese who attacked it.

Number: chinese, japanese, korean. whats the difference?

Mio: ... U kno i never forgave u jews for sinking the titanic..

Number: that was an iceberg..

Mio: goldberg, greenberg, iceberg. whats the difference?

* * *

Yui: Hey dad whats up?

Dad: Gas prices.

Yui: lol, i meant like what r u doing?

Dad: Your mom..

Yui: ...

* * *

Yui: my computer has a vagina!

Yui: can you get it off after work?

Ritsu: I would sure love to try!

Computer vaginas are the best!

Yui: I meant virus..

Ritsu: Those aren't as fun. Lol.

* * *

Ui: Of course! I'll call u

Ui: Im pumping ass and will call u when im done.

Jun: Pumping Ass? I know we're close but thats a bit TMI

Ui: GAS! PUMPING GAS!

* * *

Yui: Hey, do u have a tampon?

Ui: Yeah in my vag come to the bathroom

Ui: I MEANT VAG I SWEAR

Yui: ... I was looking for more of a non-bloody one, but thanks anyways..

Ui: NOOOO! BAG! WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?!

Yui: /DIES

* * *

Azusa: Im about to get dressed and rub Aaron with my mom

Azusa: Holy shit! Run around with my mom

Yui: Lucky Aaron..


	7. When U Got No Internet

**Jay: Umm.. CONFESSION TIME!**

**Snow: ?**

**Jay: Er.. This is so kind of hard for me to say *nervous laugh***

**Finn: JUST SAY IT!**

**Jay: I DON'T OWN THESE JOKES!**

**Everyone: *Gasp***

**Jay: Yeah.. They're all some funny shit I find on the internet and decide to post here :/ So..**

***I DON'T OWN K ON OR SOME (ALL) OF THESE JOKES***

* * *

Yui: UI!

Ui: ?

Yui: I HAVE PROBLEMS! D:

Ui: Which one is it this time?..

Yui: Okay, so everytime I do homework it's like

_Me:_*opens browser while working on essay*

_Brain_: hoe don't do it

_Me:_*opens Tumblr*.

_Brain_: Oh my God.

Ui: ... Oh my god.

* * *

Ritsu: what does jfc mean?

Mio: just fried the chicken

Ritsu: :0

* * *

Yui: MY INTERNET WENT OUT! AHHHH! IM GONNA DIE!

Ritsu: NOOOOO

Yui: Ughh NUUU NU TUMBLR! NU YOUTUBE! NU NETFLIX! NU WAY I CAN LOOK UP THE PIZZA GUYS NUMBER NOOOOWWW! AHH IM GOING TO DIEE!

Ritsu: shhhh it'll be okay just cry it out

Yui: I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF WATCHING MUTER FUCKIN K-ON!

Ritsu: I got tired of watching so much K-On

Yui: *crickets chirp in the background*

Ritsu: have you tried turning it off and on?

Yui: NUUU ITS NOT WORKING. SATAN IS OUT TO GET ME ;-;

Ritsu: noooooo! um has it been eating its vegetables and is it healthy?!

Yui: IDK! UI TAKES CARE OF IT!

Ritsu: ASK UI THEN

Yui: UI IS ASLEEP!

I might damage it if I try... It might just kill over... I think we just need to give it some time.

.. Maybe it's going through relationship problems.

Ritsu: try giving it chocolate, maybe it's on its period..

Yui: I DONT KNOW WHAT GENDER IT GOES BY! D:

O-O IT BEEPED AT ME

Ritsu: IT MIGHT BITE! DID IT BITE?

Yui: NU IT JUST BERPED

Ritsu: ooooh maybe its tummy hurt so thats why.

Yui: Yus it tummy must of hurt

Ritsu: nooo kiss its tummy to feel better

Yui: Ok ok ^3^

Ritsu: yush

* * *

Mom: Your dad and I watched a really sad movie while you were gone and I can't stop crying. Guess what movie it was.

Mugi: that could literally be any movie ever..you need to give me a hint.

Mom: *sniffles*

Mugi: that doesn't count as a hint!

Mom: ... It was Barbie in A Mermaid Tale

* * *

Jun: DID YOU AT LEAST POKE HER TO MAKE SURE

Azusa: unfortunately no. how would that convo go?..

"Hi. You're very attractive. May I poke you to assure myself of your existence?"

Jun: It'd be a good pickup line...

* * *

Mio: Im an angel I have no bad.

Ritsu: Hush

Ritsu: The Lord Can Hear Your Eyes

Ritsu: Omg

Mio: Hear my eyes? xD

Ritsu: No LIES

Mio: XDDDDD

Ritsu: LiES

Mio: Nope, eyes sound better.


	8. Just No

**Jay: Welp, merry christmas?**

**Snow: Jay. no.**

**Jay: D:**

**(DOES NOT OWN SHIT)**

* * *

Ritsu: I mean this in the most respectful way possible..

But I really want to fuck you

Mio: Ritsu no.

* * *

Yui: I'm rly pissed

Nodoka: ?

Yui: So i was going to target when all of a sudden;

Me: *pushes door but doesn't open*

Stranger:"oh you've gotta pull it"

Like, 'oh thanks, my next option was to lift from the bottom.'

Nodoka: Lol. xD When did you become a sassball?

Yui: More like ass ball..

* * *

Uncle: How's practice?

Ritsu: Terrible. I just wanna stab everyone here, yui took my cake D:

Uncle: Oh okay, just dont get blood stains on your clothes.

Ritsu: wtf you're a police officer you shouldnt be condoning this

Uncle: Don't tell me how to live my life.

* * *

Azusa: UUGHGHHH

Period: Hello there stranger!

Period: I will bleed on everything that you love! 333

Azusa: NO! NOT YUI!

* * *

Jun: Hey dad it's raining

Dad: omg

Jun: Dad please, it's raining

Dad: omg

Jun: DAD!

Dad: omg

Jun: I'm gonna tell mom..

Dad: omg no

* * *

Yui: UI! COME BACK AND FINISH THIS MOVIE WITH ME!

Ui: Dear movie lover,

Your parents are about to walk in.

Sincerely,

The only sex scene in the movie

Yui: omg no

* * *

Ritsu: Just took a nap what year is it?

Mugi: 1999

* * *

Mugi: Watched titanic again.. Cried again.

Ui: Aww, mugi don't cry :)

Mugi: Dear icebergs,

Sorry to hear about global warming.

Karma's a bitch.

Sincerely,

The Titanic.

Ui: oH.

* * *

Yui: dO YoU WaNT P3n!S?

Jun: HELL YEA, SENPAI!

Yui: Shit, I meant peanuts ._.

Jun: Well.. On the bright side, you can choke on both :D

Yui: :D

* * *

Yui: *poses seductively*

so... baby...

Azusa: Yui no.

Yui: wanna.. watch anime together *winks*

Azusa: Yui yes.

* * *

Ritsu: SAWAKO I HAVE A JOKE FOR YOU!

Sawako: O... kay?

Ritsu: YOUR LIFE! xDDD

Sawako: *blocks*

* * *

Yui: I HAVE A JOKE FOR YOU!

Sawako: pls no

Yui: IT'S BLONDE THO D:

Sawako: ...

Yui: Three blondes are walking through a forest...

…when they spot tracks on the ground. The first blonde says: "Look, those are deer tracks."  
The second blonde looks at them and says: "No you're wrong, those tracks obviously belong to wolves."  
The third blonde thinks for a minute and says: "You're both wrong, these are hog tracks, I'm sure."  
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Sawako: *faps- I MEAN CLAPS*

Yui: sensei, nO.

* * *

Yui: Guys.. Whats the meaning of life?

Ritsu: My dick.

Yui: Awe, life must be pretty short then D:

Sawako: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Nodoka: #shotsfyred

Azusa: #getrekt

Mio: #360noscoped

* * *

Mugi: Hey.. Wanna earn some money?

Azusa: Who do i need to kill

* * *

Dog: Stop it.

Ritsu: SIT

Dog: Stop it.

Ritsu: SIT

Dog: STOP IT

Ritsu: SIT

Dog: IM TRYING TO GET IMPORTANT DOG STUFF DONE. I CAN'T KEEP SITTING DOWN.

Ritsu: ROLL OVER

Dog: OMG YOU ASSHOLE

* * *

**Jay: Yes, I know this has nothing to do with christmas.**

**FUCK OFFFFF~**


	9. Bait

**Jay: So i've been stressing about summer homework, applying to highschools in September (I KNOW RIGHT) and personal stuff. But I think i'll update a bit more now :))**

**Snow: Yer shit**

**Jay: D:**

**But actually. I'm suffering from writers block for my other fic (A Different Adventure) and i'll try to come up with ideas as soon as possible.**

**I update that shit like once a year xD**

* * *

Random number: hey cuzz this Shanda I wants to know what clinic you went to when u was pregnant

Azusa: Well.. I'm gay, so...

* * *

Ritsu: Hey mom :)) What's for dinner?

Mom: Creampie, your favorite :))

You know hon, you were a creampie once :))

Ritsu: I'm never eating that ever again..

Mom: Your dad ate me when he finished :))

Ritsu: what the fuck.

Mom: Yes, hon! We did fuck!

Ritsu: I'm done with this shit..

Mom: You know, when we were done, I took a HUGE shit on your da-

_*BLOCKED NUMBER*_

* * *

Ui: Hey I was thinking about shaving. Any tips?

Jun: Well I don't usually shave my feminine parts, but I use bait which takes a while

Ui: LOL BAIT?! LIKE TO ATTRACT ANIMALS AND SHIT?!

Jun: Wait, fucking shit in my ass. I MEANT NAIR, LIKE, THE HAIR REMOVAL LOTION ;-;

Ui: Kinky, Jun.

* * *

Yui: Hey are you homework? Cuz I should be doing you but i'm not ;)

Azusa: I'm a motherfuckin term paper the night before it's due.

* * *

Mugi: bout ta' take a shower

Mio: Have fun.

Mugi: HAVE FUN?! IN A SHOWER?! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ABOUT?!

Mio: Murder. I was thinking of murder.

* * *

Ritsu: I'd like to thank my arms for always being by my side.

Yui: I'd like to thank my ears for always listening to me.

Ritsu: I'd like to thank the government for always watching me.

Yui: I'd like to thank my bras for supporting me.

Ritsu: I'd like to thank my gf for fucking me.

Yui: I- dammit.

* * *

Yui: Am I fat?

Siri: I can't really say.

Yui: Am I healthy?

Siri: I'd rather not say.

Yui: But do I need exercise?

Siri: ... I found 3 fitness centers nearby.

* * *

Mio: I just saw my brother cry for 10 minutes straight because he said he was afraid of growing up.

Nodoka: ? Why was he so scared?

Mio: He said he was afraid of drinking coffee.

_Coffee._

* * *

Azusa: Whats your favorite color?

Sawako: I'm color blind.

Azusa: Fine. What shade of grey do you like the best?

Sawako: 50 shades of grey.

* * *

Ritsu: Hey whats up?

Nodoka: Nothin' much. Converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

Ritsu: WHAT THE FUCK? HOW DO U DO THAT SHIT?!

Nodoka: BREATHING.

Ritsu: oH

* * *

Yui: I planned out our day today babe.

Azusa: okay

Yui: I'll pick you up, we can go to my place..

Then FUCK

.

.

ING WATCH TV

Azusa: ;)

* * *

Ui: I heard a thud. Did you fall?

Yui: PFFT NO! I_ ATTACKED_ THE FLOOR!

Ui: backwards?

Yui: IM FREAKIN TALENTED, OKAY?!

* * *

**Jay: Because i'm Filipino, when my mom refers to me she says; anak.**

**One day I was texting her and instead of Anak she said 'ANAL'**

**So she texted me;**

**Mom: I love you, anal.**

**I mean anal.**

**I love you anal.**

**I mean anak.**

**... I found condoms in dad's drawer.**


End file.
